You Can Take Charge of Your Mental Health
By Marc Salvador
Hello friend, before you get too deep within this story, I should warn you that I mention topics such as depression and suicide. If these things trigger you, please click off or be wary about what is ahead.
My name is Marc Salvador and I have a very personal story to share with you today in hopes of reminding you that you’re not alone. But before I do so, I want to ask you two questions: Do you know what loneliness is? If so, have you ever felt lonely before? Although these two come off as simple questions with simple answers, a good amount of people feel lonely all the time in a variety of complicated ways. Now, I am not a professional when it comes to mental health, so if you are a person who has thoughts or tendencies of self-harm and suicide, please reach out for help. You are not weak if you choose to do so.
As far as this personal story goes, I am at the very center of it. In elementary school, I was a quiet and awkward chubby kid. Because of this, I was set up to have a very difficult time with my self-image and mental health during middle school. I will spare you the details of my totally awkward and cringey time in junior high, but throughout sixth and seventh grade, I changed and grew in several ways. But as I grew, my mentality and mental health grew worse. Eighth grade was the year when everything changed.
The day was May 7, 2018. I had come back home after a terrible day at school, and like usual, I’m overthinking everything. So, I decided to call one of my friends that I won’t name out of respect and privacy. Usually as I talk to a person I love, I calm down and realize everything I’m thinking is not true, this was not the case for this day. As I talked to my friend, my thinking became worse and I started to believe every negative thought running through my head. At that point, I was set on dying. I was tired of living. While I was on the phone with my friend, I emptied out my pantry to find any pills I could take to end my so-called “nightmare” of a life. When I was ready, I grabbed some water and downed all of them in groups of five. When I was done, I went to my room and laid in my bed as my friend talked, I slowly drifted out of reality, hoping I would pass in my sleep. After a short period of time, I was woken up and saw my father at my bedside. My wonderful friend and her lovely mother had come to my house immediately to tell my family about my attempted suicide and get me to the E.R. as soon as possible. As I stood up and walked down my hallway, weak and drowsy, I saw both of them. They were obviously concerned, but happy to see that I was still alive and worried that if I wasn’t taken to the hospital at that moment, it would be too late. After some convincing, I put my shoes on and walked outside. To ensure I would not run away, both my friend and her mother held me by the arms as we walked to my car. As my father and I drove to the emergency room, I faded in and out of reality for most of the drive. When we got there, nurses were checking my blood pressure and if I was conscious at all, but as soon as I got to the bed I blacked out.
When I had woken up I wasn’t dead, instead, I was being wheeled to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit). I spent two days there, until I was wheeled to a holding area to be transferred to Rady Children's Hospital. When I was in this holding area, my family came to visit me, a moment in time I don’t reveal to many. You know how hard it was for me to hold back my tears as my family talked to me in a place no one ever wishes to be? Looking back at it now, it was the same for them. They tried to hold back their tears as they saw their son or brother at his lowest.
If my friend hadn’t come over that night, my life would have ended two years ago. Crazy to think about isn’t it? Crazy doesn't even begin to describe what I had to go through mentally to be here, nor does it describe what my week and a half was like at Rady.
Rady Children’s Hospital was a mental hell, literal looking jail, and the place I realized I wanted to live. Now, I obviously mean no disrespect at all or have any hate directed towards the hospital, I learned a lot about myself and surprisingly enjoyed my stay there. Despite whatever incident occurred that landed myself and a handful of other kids in there, we still smiled and shared laughs together like a small little family, no matter who was there. After the first day or two and accepting the truth, I realized I was there for a reason and should at least learn some things that could help me down the line. Plus, if I wanted to get out faster, I needed to go to these “optional” group meetings that taught you tips & tricks to help yourself in situations like the one I was in.
You see, my plan of attack whilst being there was simple yet hard, I was to forget about everyone and only focus on myself. Yet, seeing visitors reminded me of what was outside those doors waiting for me. But these hard moments were needed for me to realize that I was tired of living a life where I was sad most of the time, tired of not feeling loved. So with all this time alone away from my friends, family, and any or all distractions I really took advantage of it to genuinely change. The only difference from this to any other time I felt low was my motivation, this time I was doing it for myself and not for anyone else. For the first time in my life, I actually saw a light at the end of the tunnel, I felt hope and real joy right there in a place full of people who either have never experienced that before or wandered too close to the edge. Out of all places and circumstances, I had finally realized that happiness was not handed on a platter, a thing restricted to people, or simply non-existent. Happiness is something YOU personally have to work for. Happiness is different for other people, just because one thing works for someone doesn’t mean it's going to work for you.
During my time at Rady I faced a lot of my demons head on, accepted some things that were hard to swallow, and began my journey of chasing down the one thing I have always wanted. But in order for me to have done that, I needed to face my worst nightmare and quite possibly my worst enemy, which was myself. I was the only person in my life who was holding myself back from being the person I truly wanted to be. So after erasing that idea of myself from my head, I was able to start living much more freely and be able to pick up the pieces of myself slowly. It was hard at first, sometimes I wasn’t really sure that I was being realistic with myself, I thought that, in the end, dying was in my best interest. But I remembered that there were actual reasons to live, things to experience before death. And if you personally don’t know what those are, I promise that you will learn eventually. The good will come to you if you give it time, have patience, and put in the effort. When you do that, I swear you will be the strongest and most resilient person you know. I believe in you. I believe that you can get over anything if you really put your mind to it, but do you believe in yourself? Some of the hardest obstacles guard the things you really want, that’s the satisfaction or dissatisfaction in either reaching that goal or failing in doing so. If you do fail, that’s ok, it’s not the end of the world. I know that it may seem like that, but I know for a fact that you can bounce back and possibly learn from that failure: if you couldn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this right now. But since you are here at the moment, I want you to take a deep breath and trust me when I say that everything will be okay.
Ever since May 7, 2018 I have strived to be better than my old self every single day. For the most part that’s true, I’ve had my off days and depressive episodes here and there, but I try to lead a more positive and fulfilling lifestyle whenever I can, as I was given a second chance at life. If I really wanted to, I could throw everything away and end my story here, but what benefit does that do me? End my pain and suffering? Sure, but these two are a part of life. Some experience it more than others, I’ll admit. But while you may be in pain, it won’t necessarily last forever.
Throughout the years, mental health has become a sensitive topic, and I suppose for good reason. But that’s part of the reason why most of us have been silent about our suffering: it’s an uncomfortable thing to bring up. That’s exactly why I want change. I want mental health to be something we all can be comfortable discussing. No matter how little or big you think it is, bottling up your emotions is never a solution. I cannot tell you how many times I wish I was able to talk about my mental health comfortably, but unable to do so because I was afraid. Which is why I’m writing about this, I’m bringing a spotlight to not only my story, but plenty of others. Change doesn’t always come naturally though, sometimes it’s forced by hard work, and it all starts with you. Let’s make the world a little better and easier for those who are suffering from mental illnesses or suffering with their mental health. Please? I did ask nicely.
My story is only one of thousands, if not more. I hope by reading mine you realize that you aren’t going through it alone and know that I see you, I appreciate you, and hope you the best. One thing I’ve realized throughout my journey is that talking is a good form of medication, whether that be with a professional or a helping hand. But please recognize that getting help from professionals is not weak, nor is it shameful, trying to get better is a sign of strength. Don’t you want to live to see the best part of your life? Don’t you want to see the end credits after living through the entirety of your life? If so, stay here, and when you’re ready to go let's help others realize their worth as well. Can’t help people if you can’t help yourself you know? That’s all I have to share for today, thank you for reading, have a good rest of your day and stay safe!
My name is Marc Salvador and I have a very personal story to share with you today in hopes of reminding you that you’re not alone. But before I do so, I want to ask you two questions: Do you know what loneliness is? If so, have you ever felt lonely before? Although these two come off as simple questions with simple answers, a good amount of people feel lonely all the time in a variety of complicated ways. Now, I am not a professional when it comes to mental health, so if you are a person who has thoughts or tendencies of self-harm and suicide, please reach out for help. You are not weak if you choose to do so.
As far as this personal story goes, I am at the very center of it. In elementary school, I was a quiet and awkward chubby kid. Because of this, I was set up to have a very difficult time with my self-image and mental health during middle school. I will spare you the details of my totally awkward and cringey time in junior high, but throughout sixth and seventh grade, I changed and grew in several ways. But as I grew, my mentality and mental health grew worse. Eighth grade was the year when everything changed.
The day was May 7, 2018. I had come back home after a terrible day at school, and like usual, I’m overthinking everything. So, I decided to call one of my friends that I won’t name out of respect and privacy. Usually as I talk to a person I love, I calm down and realize everything I’m thinking is not true, this was not the case for this day. As I talked to my friend, my thinking became worse and I started to believe every negative thought running through my head. At that point, I was set on dying. I was tired of living. While I was on the phone with my friend, I emptied out my pantry to find any pills I could take to end my so-called “nightmare” of a life. When I was ready, I grabbed some water and downed all of them in groups of five. When I was done, I went to my room and laid in my bed as my friend talked, I slowly drifted out of reality, hoping I would pass in my sleep. After a short period of time, I was woken up and saw my father at my bedside. My wonderful friend and her lovely mother had come to my house immediately to tell my family about my attempted suicide and get me to the E.R. as soon as possible. As I stood up and walked down my hallway, weak and drowsy, I saw both of them. They were obviously concerned, but happy to see that I was still alive and worried that if I wasn’t taken to the hospital at that moment, it would be too late. After some convincing, I put my shoes on and walked outside. To ensure I would not run away, both my friend and her mother held me by the arms as we walked to my car. As my father and I drove to the emergency room, I faded in and out of reality for most of the drive. When we got there, nurses were checking my blood pressure and if I was conscious at all, but as soon as I got to the bed I blacked out.
When I had woken up I wasn’t dead, instead, I was being wheeled to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit). I spent two days there, until I was wheeled to a holding area to be transferred to Rady Children's Hospital. When I was in this holding area, my family came to visit me, a moment in time I don’t reveal to many. You know how hard it was for me to hold back my tears as my family talked to me in a place no one ever wishes to be? Looking back at it now, it was the same for them. They tried to hold back their tears as they saw their son or brother at his lowest.
If my friend hadn’t come over that night, my life would have ended two years ago. Crazy to think about isn’t it? Crazy doesn't even begin to describe what I had to go through mentally to be here, nor does it describe what my week and a half was like at Rady.
Rady Children’s Hospital was a mental hell, literal looking jail, and the place I realized I wanted to live. Now, I obviously mean no disrespect at all or have any hate directed towards the hospital, I learned a lot about myself and surprisingly enjoyed my stay there. Despite whatever incident occurred that landed myself and a handful of other kids in there, we still smiled and shared laughs together like a small little family, no matter who was there. After the first day or two and accepting the truth, I realized I was there for a reason and should at least learn some things that could help me down the line. Plus, if I wanted to get out faster, I needed to go to these “optional” group meetings that taught you tips & tricks to help yourself in situations like the one I was in.
You see, my plan of attack whilst being there was simple yet hard, I was to forget about everyone and only focus on myself. Yet, seeing visitors reminded me of what was outside those doors waiting for me. But these hard moments were needed for me to realize that I was tired of living a life where I was sad most of the time, tired of not feeling loved. So with all this time alone away from my friends, family, and any or all distractions I really took advantage of it to genuinely change. The only difference from this to any other time I felt low was my motivation, this time I was doing it for myself and not for anyone else. For the first time in my life, I actually saw a light at the end of the tunnel, I felt hope and real joy right there in a place full of people who either have never experienced that before or wandered too close to the edge. Out of all places and circumstances, I had finally realized that happiness was not handed on a platter, a thing restricted to people, or simply non-existent. Happiness is something YOU personally have to work for. Happiness is different for other people, just because one thing works for someone doesn’t mean it's going to work for you.
During my time at Rady I faced a lot of my demons head on, accepted some things that were hard to swallow, and began my journey of chasing down the one thing I have always wanted. But in order for me to have done that, I needed to face my worst nightmare and quite possibly my worst enemy, which was myself. I was the only person in my life who was holding myself back from being the person I truly wanted to be. So after erasing that idea of myself from my head, I was able to start living much more freely and be able to pick up the pieces of myself slowly. It was hard at first, sometimes I wasn’t really sure that I was being realistic with myself, I thought that, in the end, dying was in my best interest. But I remembered that there were actual reasons to live, things to experience before death. And if you personally don’t know what those are, I promise that you will learn eventually. The good will come to you if you give it time, have patience, and put in the effort. When you do that, I swear you will be the strongest and most resilient person you know. I believe in you. I believe that you can get over anything if you really put your mind to it, but do you believe in yourself? Some of the hardest obstacles guard the things you really want, that’s the satisfaction or dissatisfaction in either reaching that goal or failing in doing so. If you do fail, that’s ok, it’s not the end of the world. I know that it may seem like that, but I know for a fact that you can bounce back and possibly learn from that failure: if you couldn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this right now. But since you are here at the moment, I want you to take a deep breath and trust me when I say that everything will be okay.
Ever since May 7, 2018 I have strived to be better than my old self every single day. For the most part that’s true, I’ve had my off days and depressive episodes here and there, but I try to lead a more positive and fulfilling lifestyle whenever I can, as I was given a second chance at life. If I really wanted to, I could throw everything away and end my story here, but what benefit does that do me? End my pain and suffering? Sure, but these two are a part of life. Some experience it more than others, I’ll admit. But while you may be in pain, it won’t necessarily last forever.
Throughout the years, mental health has become a sensitive topic, and I suppose for good reason. But that’s part of the reason why most of us have been silent about our suffering: it’s an uncomfortable thing to bring up. That’s exactly why I want change. I want mental health to be something we all can be comfortable discussing. No matter how little or big you think it is, bottling up your emotions is never a solution. I cannot tell you how many times I wish I was able to talk about my mental health comfortably, but unable to do so because I was afraid. Which is why I’m writing about this, I’m bringing a spotlight to not only my story, but plenty of others. Change doesn’t always come naturally though, sometimes it’s forced by hard work, and it all starts with you. Let’s make the world a little better and easier for those who are suffering from mental illnesses or suffering with their mental health. Please? I did ask nicely.
My story is only one of thousands, if not more. I hope by reading mine you realize that you aren’t going through it alone and know that I see you, I appreciate you, and hope you the best. One thing I’ve realized throughout my journey is that talking is a good form of medication, whether that be with a professional or a helping hand. But please recognize that getting help from professionals is not weak, nor is it shameful, trying to get better is a sign of strength. Don’t you want to live to see the best part of your life? Don’t you want to see the end credits after living through the entirety of your life? If so, stay here, and when you’re ready to go let's help others realize their worth as well. Can’t help people if you can’t help yourself you know? That’s all I have to share for today, thank you for reading, have a good rest of your day and stay safe!
Podcast episode can be found here.
Marc Salvador is an incoming Junior at Mira Mesa HS and aspiring mental health advocate due to his own personal experiences with depression and anxiety. After surviving a suicide attempt, Marc uses his second chance at life to be a real living example of a person who is overcoming a mental illness and taking control of his mental health in the process. Marc wants you to know that everyone has a story, so live to be able to tell yours.
Marc Salvador is an incoming Junior at Mira Mesa HS and aspiring mental health advocate due to his own personal experiences with depression and anxiety. After surviving a suicide attempt, Marc uses his second chance at life to be a real living example of a person who is overcoming a mental illness and taking control of his mental health in the process. Marc wants you to know that everyone has a story, so live to be able to tell yours.